Married and Still Friends - Why It Matters

“I can’t believe I am marrying my best friend”

How many times have we heard those words when someone got engaged or during their wedding? If you’re like me, the answer is infinitely more once you include all the social media captions and anniversary throwback posts. 

It’s the main theme of most romantic comedies and the topic that has created much anticipation and misunderstanding in real-life marriages. 

If you’re like most humans not living under a rock in the 21st Century, then the concept of marrying your best friend isn’t new to you. In fact, many have given it as advice as how you recognize “the one” for you. It builds this incredible expectation that not only will your relationship effortlessly begin from a wonderful friendship, but as you progress into marriage, that rock solid friendship will only grow stronger as you spend your days together. It sounds wonderful, but (I’m sorry to say this) reality is never as effortless as we expect. 

At Odigia Global, we’ve talked with many couples who had this expectation, only to be disappointed when their spouse just didn’t ‘get them’ the way their childhood best friend did or when they struggled with communication, mutual hobbies or enjoying each other’s company. At some point it occurred to them that spending forever with someone does not automatically mean their friendship will grow. 

Let me make this clear: friendship is the foundation of a strong, lasting marriage. My point is not that friendship isn’t important (I mean, did you read the title of the blog?). While romantic love may bring couples together, it is friendship that sustains the relationship through life’s inevitable ups and downs. 

However, those same ups and downs – the pressures of careers and finances, the demand of raising kids, the struggle of migrating, dealing with a chronic condition or whatever else life throws your way – have the potential to erode your friendship with your spouse until you give up trying. 

Because we all know friendship takes work. But when we’re tired and stressed and feel like our spouse can do nothing quite right, we forget that we’re supposed to be working on a friendship. If that feels like you – stressed out, struggling to remember why you wanted this person in the first place, or maybe just more focused on other things to really prioritize your friendship – here is your reminder why maintaining friendship with your spouse is so crucial. Keep reading. 

“...This is my beloved and this is my friend.” Song of Solomon 5:16

Emotional Intimacy and Trust

• Friendship nurtures emotional intimacy, allowing both partners to feel safe, understood, and valued. This emotional closeness makes it easier to share vulnerabilities and support each other without fear of judgment.

• A strong friendship naturally bolsters communication and trust, creating a secure environment where both partners can be themselves.

  
  

Communication and Conflict Resolution

• Couples who are friends communicate more openly and honestly. This ease of communication helps resolve conflicts more effectively and minimizes misunderstandings, as friends are more likely to listen actively and seek understanding.

• Knowing your partner well, understanding their triggers, preferences, and needs, enables more empathetic and patient responses during stressful times.

  
  

Resilience Through Challenges

• Friendship equips couples to face hardships as a team. When difficulties arise, friends offer encouragement, practical support, and reassurance, strengthening the marital bond.

• Research shows that couples with strong friendships are better equipped to survive stress and life’s challenges than those who lack this foundation. 

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Remember Ecclesiastes 4:9-12: “Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their work: If one falls down, his friend can help him up. But pity the man who falls and has no one to help him up! Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm. But how can one keep warm alone? Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.”

Lifelong Companionship and Satisfaction

• Studies indicate that people who consider their spouse their best friend experience higher levels of well-being and marital satisfaction, almost double compared to couples who aren’t best friends

• Friendship keeps the relationship dynamic and enjoyable, ensuring that couples can laugh together, share interests, and enjoy each other’s company even after the initial passion fades.

  
  

Mutual Growth and Security

• Friends support each other’s personal growth and celebrate each other’s successes. This dynamic fosters a partnership where both individuals feel empowered and fulfilled

• The sense of security that comes from being friends with your spouse allows for authenticity and deepens the marital connection.

  
  

Enduring Love

• While romantic love can ebb and flow, the love rooted in friendship is steady and enduring. Prioritizing friendship helps sustain love over time, making the relationship more resilient and joyful. This is what God had in mind when He said in Genesis 2:24, “For this reason a man shall leave his father and his mother, and be joined to his wife; and they shall become one flesh.”

  
  

A Final Thought

Being friends with your spouse is not an add-on to your marriage. It is vital for a healthy, satisfying, and lasting union. Even when it is hard or other situations seem more pressing, never stop prioritizing your friendship. Here is the blueprint for how to do so: 

“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness, and patience. Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.” Colossians 3:12-14

Sometimes though, you need someone to come alongside you when your relationship is struggling. There’s nothing wrong with that. At Odigia, we exist to help you experience thriving and fulfilling relationships. Book a consultation session with us today and let us help you live the marriage you always wanted.

Juliet Grant is a founder of Odigia Global, a Personal Development Organisation committed to helping you flourish in all your relationships through guidance that works. As a Christian for over 45 years, and a wife, mother and spiritual leader for almost half of her life, she is passionate about equipping, empowering and engaging you with the tools to see transformation in every area of your life. Learn more about Juliet and Odigia here.