How to Balance Parenting and Marriage: 6 Real Strategies to Stay Connected While Raising Kids

Parenting is one of the most rewarding journeys, but let’s be honest—it can also test every limit of your patience, energy, and connection with your spouse. Between diapers, deadlines, school projects, and grocery lists, it's easy to go from soulmates to co-managers of a household.

This is a topic I am so intimately acquainted with. Juliet and I got pregnant four months into marriage. That pregnancy produced a set of twins. Then two years later we had our second set of twins. So within three years we had four children. Many times it felt like walking a tight-rope at a circus. 

So, how do we keep our relationship strong while being fully present for our children? Here are some honest and hopeful insights to help you navigate the beautiful chaos.

1. Balancing Parenthood and Partnership: Remember You're a Team First

Before you were “Mom” and “Dad,” you were two people in love. That foundation matters. Make intentional time to talk about life beyond the kids. Share your dreams, laugh at inside jokes, and steal moments where it's just you two. Even five minutes of real connection can go a long way.

No one else will make your marriage a priority, not even your children. Your primary investment is the marriage. It is the substratum on which the family is built. If the marriage dissolves then the fabric that holds the family will disintegrate rapidly. Remember, while quantity is important, quality of time is more important. 

2. Why Scheduling Date Nights Helps Balance Marriage and Parenting

Waiting for a "good time" to go out? I hate to burst your bubble, but it rarely comes. So schedule it like a dentist appointment—but way more fun. Whether it's dinner, a walk, or a movie at home after the kids are asleep, carving out time for each other shows your relationship is a priority, not an afterthought.

There are times life sucks you in, you don’t even remember how to spell your name. So if our marriage is going to thrive, we must be deliberate about it. With Juliet being a pastor’s wife, stay at home mom with four children and having church activities, it got really overwhelming. Juliet and I had to establish two things: a date night and a day off for her.

3. Stop Competing, Start Collaborating: Parenting Without Conflict

Parenting can sometimes feel like a scoreboard: who changed the last diaper, who handled the recent tantrum, or who cleaned the kitchen? But love isn't a competition—it's a team effort. A healthy relationship thrives when both partners carry the load and cheer each other on.

In our modern day culture the stereotypical marriage roles have had to change. No longer can be considered the wife’s responsibility to clean the house, wash the dishes, and take care of the children. Since both parties now work outside the home then both should equally work inside the home. This lends itself to healthier relationships. 

4. Communication Is Key to Balancing Marriage and Family Life

Stress can lead to short fuses and sharp words. Make room for grace. Express appreciation daily, even for the little things. When tensions rise (and they will), take a breath before responding. Disagreements are normal; disrespect is not. Create a space where honesty and kindness coexist.

I encourage couples to lean more toward responding than reacting. Take the time to access the situation. Weigh your words. Ask yourself the question: if I answer like this what would the response I am likely to get? 

5. Protect Your Intimacy

Yes, you're tired. And yes, the kids might burst in at the worst moments. But physical and emotional intimacy matters. It's a form of glue in your relationship. Find what works in this season—maybe it’s holding hands more often, cuddling on the couch, or simply flirting in the kitchen. Intimacy doesn’t just mean sex; it’s the little connections that keep the spark alive.

I once heard the word intimacy defined as “into me see”. Vulnerability is prized attribute in any healthy relationship. When your spouse opens up to you especially about a sensitive or painful issue they are not necessarily seeking an answer but an emotional connection.  Give that hug and be an active listener. 

6. Lead Your Kids by Example

When your children see you prioritizing your marriage, you're teaching them about love, respect, and commitment. Let them witness healthy conflict resolution, hugs in the hallway, and you choosing each other on purpose. A strong relationship gives them security and a model to follow.

There an incident where my son spoke to his mother (my wife) in what I considered a less than respectful manner. I addressed the issue by saying to him that he never speaks to my wife like that again. I don’t know about his mother but never speak to my wife (his mother) like that again. It is my responsibility to make her have that sense of security

You don't have to choose between being great parents and having a thriving relationship. The two can coexist—imperfectly, beautifully, and with a whole lot of laughter (and coffee). Keep showing up for each other. Keep choosing love, even on the messy days.

Because one of the greatest gifts you can give your kids… is a strong “us.”

David Grant is a founder of Odigia Global, a Personal Development Organisation committed to helping you flourish in all your relationships through guidance that works. As a Christian for over 45 years, and a husband, father and spiritual leader for almost half of his life, he is passionate about equipping, empowering and engaging you with the tools to see transformation in every area of your life. Learn more about David and Odigia here.