Your Spouse Is Not the Enemy: See the Real Battle

The Slow Drift Toward Opposition

Most couples do not wake up one day deciding to see each other as opponents. It is a slow drift: a word misunderstood, a habit left unaddressed, a quiet assumption that “they should know better.”

The Bible says, “We wrestle not against flesh and blood” (Ephesians 6:12). In marriage, however, it often feels like the “flesh and blood” across the table is the problem. That is exactly how the enemy likes it.

The enemy works in shadows, planting ideas that feel justified:

• “If they loved me, I would not have to say it.”

• “They never change.”

• “I am wasting my time.”

  
  

These thoughts seem harmless, but over time they become walls. And walls in marriage rarely keep danger out; they keep love in lockdown.

The Covenant Perspective

Marriage is not a competition for who is right. It is a covenant, and covenant is built on honour, not scorekeeping.

Honour chooses patience even when you feel short-changed. Honour offers forgiveness before an apology comes. Honour says, “We are on the same side, even if we are not seeing eye to eye.”

A Kingdom marriage understands that the real fight is not between husband and wife. It is the two of you standing together against the lies, pride, and spiritual pressures that would tear you apart.

Spotting the Drift

If you have noticed you speak to others more kindly than to your spouse…If you are quicker to imagine their faults than their strengths…If you hold back affection until you feel they have “earned it”……you are drifting into the trap. These are not just bad habits; they are symptoms of a deeper forgetting: you are one team.

Five Steps Back to Fighting Together

1. Name the Real Enemy: The next time you feel that edge in your voice, remind yourself: “My spouse is not my opponent.”

2. Interrupt the Spiral: When thoughts turn critical, ask: “Is this thought producing love or division?”

3. Choose Honour in Action: Speak with the tone you would use if Christ Himself was in the room, because He is.

4. Pray Together, Even Briefly: Start with 30 seconds in the morning; it is harder to resent someone you are praying with.

5. Revisit the Vision: Talk about why you married in the first place. Dreams die in silence; revive them with conversation.

Final Thought

When we refuse to believe the lie that our spouse is the problem, we stop wasting energy on the wrong fight. We remember the real battle, and we win it together.