Submission and Sacrifice: The Most Misunderstood Words in Marriage

Few words spark more debate in conversations about marriage than submission and sacrifice. In modern culture, these words often carry heavy baggage, evoking images of control, oppression, or loss of freedom. Yet when we return to Scripture, we find something radically different. Far from being chains, submission and sacrifice are gifts - pathways to flourishing love that reflect the heart of God Himself.

Submission: Rooted in the Trinity, Reflected in Marriage

When Paul writes in Ephesians 5:21, “Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ,” he sets the tone for all Christian relationships, including marriage. Submission is not about erasing worth or silencing a voice. It is about choosing to honour, yield, and serve in love. We see this reality first in the Godhead itself. The Son submits to the Father (John 6:38), the Spirit glorifies the Son (John 16:14), and yet all remain equal in essence and divinity. Submission in the Trinity is not inferiority but harmony.

In marriage, submission mirrors that divine dance. Husbands and wives are called to submit to one another, not as a power play but as a rhythm of mutual honour. Where submission is absent, envy often creeps in. The wife may long for her husband’s role; the husband may resent the demands of sacrificial love. But God calls us not to compete with each other’s callings but to honour them.

• Mutual submission: Both husband and wife posture themselves to serve, not dominate.

• Role-specific submission: Wives respect their husbands (Ephesians 5:33) as unto the Lord, and husbands lead by laying down their lives, not by lording over them.

  
  

Submission, then, is not demeaning. It is beautiful. It frees us from rivalry and invites us into unity.

Sacrifice: Love That Gives, Not Takes

If submission reflects order and harmony, sacrifice reflects the very heartbeat of love. Ephesians 5:25 commands: “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.” This love is not casual affection but cruciform devotion. Christ did not love the Church from a distance, He entered her brokenness, bore her sin, and laid down His life for her flourishing.

Sacrifice in marriage, therefore, is not about losing identity but about willingly giving for the sake of the other, which in turn brings you into what God desires to ultimately has for your identity. True sacrifice nourishes, protects, and allows love to thrive. The more we learn to die to selfishness, the more our marriages come alive.

Consider how sacrifice plays out practically:

• Choosing forgiveness over holding grudges.

• Serving your spouse in mundane, unseen ways.

• Prioritizing their spiritual growth over your personal comfort.

• Bearing with weaknesses instead of exploiting them.

  
  

When sacrifice marks a marriage, love does not shrink; it expands.

The Beauty of Submission and Sacrifice Together

Submission without sacrifice can devolve into oppression. Sacrifice without submission can become self-righteous martyrdom. But when the two are held together, they display the beauty of the Gospel. Christ submitted to the Father and sacrificed Himself for the Church. Husbands and wives are called into that same pattern: a life of love that yields and gives, honours and serves.

• For husbands: Sacrificial leadership is not dominance but service. It asks, “How can I love her as Christ loves the Church?”

• For wives: Submission is not passive silence but active honour. It asks, “How can I reflect the Church’s trust in Christ through the way I follow and respect my husband?”

  
  

Both roles, when embraced, point beyond marriage itself to the eternal union of Christ and His Bride.

Submission and Sacrifice as Witness

The world often views marriage as a contract of convenience: “I’ll stay as long as I’m fulfilled.” Scripture presents something altogether different. Covenant love, marked by submission and sacrifice, is countercultural. It stands as a witness to the Gospel in a world starved of selfless love.

Jesus said in John 13:35, “By this everyone will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” Marriage is one of the loudest testimonies of that love. When a husband lays down his life for his wife, and a wife honours her husband with joy, the watching world sees a glimpse of heaven.

Final Encouragement: Flourishing in God’s Design

Submission and sacrifice should not be heavy burdens but life-giving practices. They release us from envy, pride, and self-centeredness. They draw us into the beauty of God’s design, where love flourishes as each spouse reflects Christ in their own way.

To embrace submission and sacrifice in marriage is to walk in the footsteps of Jesus. It is to say: “Not my will but Yours be done” (Luke 22:42). It is to believe that love grows not when we grasp for control, but when we give ourselves away.

In a culture that misunderstands these words, Christians have the opportunity to reclaim them, not as symbols of oppression, but as the very keys to joy-filled, Christ-centered marriages.