Raising Young Leaders Without Raising Proud Hearts

How to Steward Leadership Giftings in Children with Wisdom, Humility, and Christ-Shaped Love

Every so often, a parent catches a glimpse of something in their child that feels significant. A toddler who instinctively gathers others to play. A primary schooler who speaks up when something feels unfair. A child who naturally takes initiative, organises games, or assumes responsibility without being asked.

These moments can be both exhilarating and unsettling.

Leadership gifting in children is a real and precious thing. Scripture affirms that God distributes gifts intentionally. Yet the Bible is equally clear that gifts, when left unformed, can become liabilities rather than blessings. Strength without character does not mature into leadership, it can instead harden into dominance, pride, or isolation.

For Christian parents, the question is not whether leadership giftings should be encouraged. The question is how they should be stewarded while the heart is still being shaped.

Leadership Is a Gift, Not an Identity

One of the most important distinctions parents can help their children make is this. Leadership is something you exercise, not something you are.

When children begin to see leadership as their defining identity, pressure and comparison quickly follow. They may feel superior to others, threatened by peers with different strengths, or devastated when they fail. Scripture consistently warns against rooting our worth in our gifts rather than in God.

Paul reminds the church that gifts differ, but every member belongs equally to the body (1 Corinthians 12:4–7). Leadership, then, is not a badge of importance. It is a responsibility of service.

Parents can gently reinforce this by celebrating effort, faithfulness, and kindness more than visibility or influence. Instead of saying, “You’re such a leader,” it can be more formative to say, “I noticed how you helped others feel included,” or “You used your voice to protect someone today. That matters.”

Teaching Children to Lead Like Jesus

The clearest picture of leadership Scripture offers is not command, charisma, or control. It is Jesus kneeling with a towel.

When the disciples argued about who was greatest, Jesus did not rebuke their desire to matter. He redefined greatness altogether. “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant” (Mark 10:43).

Children with leadership tendencies often assume they should be first, loudest, or most decisive. Parents have the important task of repeatedly pointing them to Jesus’ way. Leadership that looks down on others is not leadership at all. It is insecurity masquerading as strength.

One powerful practice is helping children reflect on their own experiences. Ask questions like:

• How did it feel when someone included you?

• What happened when you listened instead of insisting?

• Did everyone feel safe in that situation?

These moments help children connect leadership with empathy rather than control.

Why Team Environments Matter

Team settings are one of the most practical training grounds for young leaders.

Sports, music groups, drama teams, debate clubs, and service projects all teach a crucial lesson. Leadership does not exist in isolation. It functions within community.

Team environments gently confront children with the reality that they are not the most gifted in every area. They learn to submit to coaches, rely on others, accept correction, and celebrate shared success. These experiences form humility far more effectively than lectures ever could.

Parents can support this by resisting the urge to shield children from discomfort. Losing or receiving feedback can feel painful, but they are often the very means God uses to shape character.

Watching How They Treat the Vulnerable

One of the clearest indicators of how leadership is forming in a child is how they treat people who cannot advance them socially.

Scripture is unambiguous here. God watches how His people treat the weak, the overlooked, and the different. Jesus consistently moved toward those with less power, not more.

Parents should be attentive to how their children speak about classmates who struggle, siblings who are younger, or peers who are socially marginalised. Leadership that lacks compassion will eventually wound others.

When parents notice moments of impatience or superiority, these are invitations for gentle correction, not shame. Conversations might sound like, “What do you think Jesus would have noticed in that moment?” or “How do you think that person felt?”

Helping Children See Leadership in Their Own Lives

Children learn best when theology is connected to lived experience.

Rather than teaching leadership as an abstract concept, parents can help children see where they are already practising it. When a child stands up for a sibling, includes someone at school, or apologises first, parents can name what is happening. “That took courage.” “That showed love.” “That reflected Jesus.”

This helps children understand that leadership is not reserved for platforms or titles. It is exercised in everyday faithfulness.

Trusting God with the Outcome

Perhaps the hardest work for parents of gifted children is restraint.

It can be tempting to rush development, seek recognition, or push children into roles they are not yet ready to carry. Scripture reminds us that growth unfolds in seasons. Jesus Himself grew in wisdom, stature, and favour over time (Luke 2:52).

Our calling is not to produce impressive children, but to raise faithful ones.

When leadership is stewarded with patience, humility, and love, it becomes a gift not only to the child, but to the communities they will one day serve. And when it is rooted in the way of Jesus, it reflects a kingdom where the greatest are those who love most deeply.

That is leadership worth raising.

Juliet Grant is a founder of Odigia Global, a Personal Development Organisation committed to helping you flourish in all your relationships through guidance that works. As a Christian for over 45 years, and a wife, mother and spiritual leader for almost half of her life, she is passionate about equipping, empowering and engaging you with the tools to see transformation in every area of your life. Learn more about Juliet and Odigia here.