The Idol of “Happily Ever After”: Why Marriage Is About Holiness, and How Joy Fits In

From childhood stories to film, the promise of “happily ever after” shapes how we imagine marriage. That longing for joy is not wrong; in fact, Scripture intends for marriages to know deep, abiding joy, because joy is a fruit of the Spirit, and our union with God is joyful. Yet if happiness becomes the primary idol, marriage grows fragile, subject to every change in feeling or circumstance. The Bible points us to a fuller vision: marriage is a covenant that forms holiness, and from that holiness, authentic joy reliably flows.

Happiness is a Gift, Holiness is the Soil

Happiness in marriage is a gift from God, it is not a sin to be happy with your spouse. However, feelings are fickle, they rise and fall with health, finances, season, and stress. Holiness, by contrast, describes the long work of Christlike formation; it is the soil in which lasting delight in one another takes root. When a couple seeks holiness together, joy becomes less volatile because it is anchored in God’s character rather than merely in changing emotions.

Marriage as Sanctifying Work, and Joyful Vocation

Ephesians 5 presents marriage as a living picture of Christ and the Church, which means marriage is formative, it refines and sanctifies. That sanctification can feel costly, it exposes selfishness, impatience, and fear, but it also produces the qualities that sustain love, such as patience, humility, and sacrificial care. Joy is the fruit of those qualities, therefore the sanctifying work of marriage is itself a pathway to deeper joy, not a detour from it.

Joy Undergirds Holiness, Holiness Grows Joy

The relationship is reciprocal: joy strengthens perseverance, and perseverance produces character. The apostle Paul lists joy among the Spirit’s fruit (Galatians 5:22); joy accompanies obedience and communion with Christ. Thus, when couples prioritise holiness: prayer, mutual accountability, forgiveness, joy often follows as the by-product, and then this joy fuels further growth in holiness. The two belong together.

Practical Ways to Pursue Both Holiness and Joy

Holiness can sound abstract, but it is lived out in practical, everyday choices. Here are five ways couples can prioritise holiness and joy together:

1. Begin days and decisions with prayer together, not as duty, but as a shared delight in God’s presence.

2. Cultivate small rhythms of gratitude, name what you appreciate in each other weekly, this trains the heart to notice God’s goodness.

3. Practise fast forgiveness, grudges corrode joy; forgiving quickly models Christ’s love.

4. Serve in ordinary ways, the unnoticed acts of care form character and create shared delight.

5. Celebrate spiritual milestones, keep joy visible: baptisms, answered prayers, growth moments, even small victories.

   
   

Final Thoughts

“Happily ever after” is an insufficient gospel, it can become an idol when it is the primary aim. Yet joy is not the enemy of holiness, nor is holiness the enemy of joy. God calls marriages to a higher aim: a covenant of holiness that produces the most durable, God-shaped joy. When couples embrace sanctification together, they discover a joy that is truer, deeper, and more resilient than any fairy tale promise.